My goal was to inform the screenplay, Regarding Zosimos, from the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice without necessarily requiring a reader, or eventual viewer, to know that story. Having been steeped in the myth for the past two years, however, does not make of me an impartial observer. And so, I invite you to be open in your remarks, comments and criticisms. If you would prefer to communicate with me privately, please send me email at metamer(ury@hotmail.com - Thank you for your contribution, - Mark
- 01 Mar 2000
You have captured all the essentials of the Orpheus myth and edowed them with power that allows this myth to live again. Really good!
I went into an alternate space for a bit; and made some notes. If you would like these, I'll send them on. They basically have to do with tightening the dramatic conflict.
Have you seen Resotoration? The story of a young man, Marveli, who lives out the tension between being a courtier or what his life called him to be-- a healer. The diabolo or mercurial tension provided in his relationship with the king, Charles II.... . It's probably bascially a retelling of a story of that period (1600's) but has something which might be applicable to your story.... the conflict between the lower order and the higher order of life as it is actually lived on earth. Charles II being the mercury element.
This was a straightforward "adventures of" story with many turns and twists over years. I see yours as one powerful transformative episode.
Mary Kroncke
- 04 Feb 2000
1. I really am a fan of the sort of visual that you are using at the end of Act 2. see page 20 "The Powers of Ten" retreat from the Earth and see the whole cosmos in a few seconds. It might be very effective if the particular view as the camera retreats from Earth happened to have a brief preview look at the constellation of Lyra so this image connects to the image at the end of the sceen play, see page 80.
2. Page 33, You have the scene where Zoz is in his apartment checking his answering machine. I have had a number of conversation with Robert Romanyshyn about some of the things he experienced when his wife Janet died. One of the most touching he told me about how he could not erase the sound of her voice on the answering machine outgoing message. Maybe, If Zoz and Melissa had lived together before they were married you could put a scene like that in where he struggles with the sound of her voice on the answering machine after she is dead? I think that Robert has a bit in his book, "The Soul In Grief" about this time in his life. I will check to see, and let you know the pages.
3. Page 44, Aunt Regina, My take on Aunt Regina and Uncle Edgar is that they are a bit more Narcisitic than the text allows them to be. Maybe it would work to have them have some mirrors around the scene. this would play off the Projection/reflection ideas in the virtual reality helmet. I really like the dialog you give them about ego, see page 43 and then on 44, " as we have found that the projective process has proven irreversible." then the anxiest you provide on page 45, Aunt Regina, "Unless you're willing to take the beta.... Logical conclusion." OOO I like it!! Also Regina leaves for 6 months a year to the "other world." This can use more fleshing out. I thought for instance that she might go "up" to direct an annual fashion show. you could have some short clips of these "affairs" that would add to the Dionysian flavor. I got a hit of some "Peter Greenaway zapping." with these two, contrasted to A.P. and Melody Lumen.
Mark, I really like the story and your adaptation of the myth. you continue to amaze and delight. Love to you compadre, Ted Dillingham